Topic: Funny ;)

I found this quite hilaroiusly funny so thought to share with punbb members wink

Below given are True telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one...

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button ?
Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note ...
Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry .

Helpdesk: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left ?

Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you ?
Male Customer: Hello... I can't print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and ...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me ! I'm not Bill Gates damn it !

Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Helpdesk: Do you have a colour printer ?
Customer: No.

Helpdesk: What's on your monitor now ma'am ?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It's not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly ?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing's happening.

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer ?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you ?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard ?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work !

Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

A customer couldn't get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password ?
Customer: Yes I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was ?
Customer: Five stars.

Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use ?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That's not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears !

Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you ?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me ?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don't understand your problem ?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me ?

Helpdesk: How may I help you ?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem ?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it ?

2 (edited by Smartys 2004-12-13 17:30)

Re: Funny ;)

Already seen them, been posted in IC forums (this exact thing) for a week now tongue
Still very funny smile

http://fluxbb.org

Free PunBB Hosting - lots of mods, easy to customize

3

Re: Funny ;)

My favourite is the man who phoned to complain that his PC's cup holder had broken (think about it).

4

Re: Funny ;)

My favorite is the lady that put the mouse on the floor and was using her foot to turn on her computer. She was a seamstress :)

5 (edited by snapsolutions 2004-12-13 18:02)

Re: Funny ;)

Here you can find some more The Bastard Operator from Hell Official Archive

6

Re: Funny ;)

That email is as old as the internet itself.

7 (edited by Gary13579 2004-12-13 23:25)

Re: Funny ;)

looked around for a while, i came up with some good ones. the best is below

#  Tech Support: "Tech support."
# Customer: "Yeah, every time I get on the Internet and leave my computer, I get disconnected."
# Tech Support: "How long are you away from your computer?"
# Customer: "About 10-20 minutes."
# Tech Support: "Sir, if you're idle for more than 15 minutes, we disconnect you."
# Customer: "Well don't disconnect me!"
# Tech Support: "It's not us, sir -- it's the servers, they do it automatically."
# Customer: "Change it, then."
# Tech Support: "I can't."
# Customer: "Yes you can!"
# Tech Support: "Sir, I'm not allowed to."
# Customer: "I pay for this service, and dammit, you're going to change it!"
# Tech Support: "Sir, I'm not allowed to change it. Bottom line."
# Customer: "And why not!?"
# Tech Support: "Because I'm not the administrator."
# Customer: "Well tell him to change it!"
# Tech Support: "I can't do that either. The administrator hates me."
# Customer: "Why?"
# Tech Support: "Because I won our last Nerf tournament."
# Customer: "Nerf tournament?! I pay you guys to play with toys?"
# Tech Support: "We do it in our spare time."
# Customer: "I want to talk to your supervisor!"
# Tech Support: "Sorry, but my supervisor is the administrator, and he's busy."
# Customer: "Well, I'm going to rat you out about your little Nerf gun secret!"
# Tech Support: "Tell the owner -- it'll give him more of a reason to come down here to play with us."

edit: got another one smile

*  Customer: "Did you know about the thunderstorm? I heard that I should unplug my computer. Should I do that?"
    * Tech Support: "In most cases, yes, it is best to at least unplug your phone line. Lightning sometimes causes power surges that can damage your modem."
    * Customer: "Can it damage other things as well...like the phone?"
    * Tech Support: "I've never heard of that happening before, but it is a possibility."
    * Customer: "So do you think that I should unplug the phone from my computer and from all the phones as well?"
    * Tech Support: (frustrated) "Couldn't hurt."
    * Customer: "So when can I plug them all back in?"
    * Tech Support: (really annoyed now) "When the storm is over."
    * Customer: "How will I know when it's safe, though?"
    * Tech Support: "I will call you."
    * Customer: "Ok! Thank you!"

How dumb can people get?

Indocron
$theQuestion = (2*b) || !(2*b);

8

Re: Funny ;)

ARE COMPUTERS MALE OR FEMALE?  YOU DECIDE

Top 5 Reasons Why Computers Must Be Male:

5. They're heavily dependent on external tools and equipment.
4. They periodically cut you off right when you think you've established a network connection.
3. They'll usually do what you ask them to do, but they won't do more than they have to and they won't think of it on their own.
2. They're typically obsolete within five years and need to be traded in for a new model. Some users, however, feel they've already invested so much in the damn machine that they're compelled to remain with an underpowered system.
1. They get hot when you turn them on, and that's the only time    you have their attention.

Top 5 Reasons Computers Must Be Female:

5. No one but their creator understands their logic.
4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.

Re: Funny ;)

hcgtv wrote:

Top 5 Reasons Computers Must Be Female:

5. No one but their creator understands their logic.
4. Even the smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.
3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message, "Bad command or filename," is about as informative as "If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you."
1. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your paycheck on accessories for it.


SO very true. good finds.

~James
FluxBB - Less is more

Re: Funny ;)

very interesting one wink http://www.forum2010.org/

11

Re: Funny ;)

that happned to me

Customer: Hi , your progam not working, threre is a problem.
Me (support): What is wrong?
Customer: Your progam not accoet number when i try typing it.
Me (support): did you try press "Num Lock"
Customer: Ok  Ok, why you not mentioned it in your manual!.

If your people come crazy, you will not need to your mind any more.

Re: Funny ;)

have mean! smile

Re: Funny ;)

have mode!

Indocron
$theQuestion = (2*b) || !(2*b);

Re: Funny ;)

have median

Re: Funny ;)

i think i can study english at here

Re: Funny ;)

I think I can practice my english in this forum

i think that would be better wink

Indocron
$theQuestion = (2*b) || !(2*b);

Re: Funny ;)

yes ,it's a good thing.

Re: Funny ;)

When your picture gets on the internet

19

Re: Funny ;)

Customer: Five stars.

Same happened to me but this time it was a cell phone. And what is the best part it was my colleague in the support crew lol.

Re: Funny ;)

Hell. I predict I will be a stud by 2008, because I predict I will be having sex CONSTANTLY.
Yeah. In 2008, zero will still remain a constant. lol

21 (edited by snapsolutions 2005-01-05 20:11)

Re: Funny ;)

Advice for Computer Science College Students

http://www.joelonsoftware.com/articles/ … dvice.html lol

22

Re: Funny ;)

Customer: The computer is not turning on.
Support: Is it plugged into the wall?
Customer: Yes
Support: The wire running from the wall outlet to your computer, is that connected to the back of the computer?
Customer: I don't know.
Support: The problem could lie there, were going to have to check, so if you can, talk a look behind.
Customer: Hold on, let me get a candle, the lights are out.

Friend: I can't get onto aol.
Me: Did you check your user name, and password?
Friend: No, it dosen't even make that cool booting sound.
Me: Alright, I'll be over soon.
-Later-
Me: Listen, you can not connect to the internet unless you have your modem plugged into the wall.
Friend: Then whats the point of a laptop?

Do, or do not.

Re: Funny ;)

http://www.hucknalltownfc.info/forum/pu … php?id=608

Not seen that one either! smile

Re: Funny ;)

old but good one smile

http://mysticalball.com/

25 (edited by snapsolutions 2005-01-18 00:49)

Re: Funny ;)

http://static.thepiratebay.org/legal/ lol

I like this one ... (actually I like all of the responses) big_smile

As you may or may not be aware, Sweden is not a state in the United States of America. Sweden is a country in northern Europe.
Unless you figured it out by now, US law does not apply here. For your information, no Swedish law is being violated.

http://static.thepiratebay.org/dreamworks_response.txt wink